this
by phobic-i
Summary: '"But in my heart, I never wanted it to end like this."'


_Captivating_; the way his muscles bunched as he prepared to spring, hooked claws ripping at the grass below them, his golden-tinged pelt rippling in the light of sunhigh as he crouches. His amber eyes, oh they way they swam and swirled with excitement. His ears set back, his tail twitching as it remained curled to his flank. He looked so powerful, it made her heart flutter and her stomach whirl.

As Goldenkit watched his ceremony with her heart pounding against her ribs, she gave a quiet mew as his name rose up in the heart of ThunderClan. "Tigerclaw."

**xxx**

Goldenpaw gave her haunches a wriggle, her glowing yellow eyes narrowed into the tiniest of slits. She lifted one paw, setting in down in front of her delicately. Her curled tail twitched, and she forced herself to remain still. Pricking her ears, Goldenpaw tensed, preparing to spring. Leaping forward, Goldenpaw burst out of the shadows of the apprentices' den, pouncing with sheathed paws on Lionpaw's bushy tail. Lifting her chin triumphantly, Goldenpaw felt a tail brush her shoulder. Glancing sideways, Goldenpaw felt her fur flush with heat as Tigerclaw padded past her, his amber eyes trained on her with interest and his chest rumbling with a purr.

Goldenpaw felt herself swoon.

**xxx**

"By the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Goldenpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Goldenflower! StarClan honors your warm spirit, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan!"

As her name was yowled into the sky, Goldenflower scrambled down the Highrock, scattering stray pebbles as she half-fell, half-leaped off of the rock that towered above the moonlit camp. Lionheart, already a warrior a half-moon prior, rushed forward to touch noses with her. Speckletail rasped at her ear with her gentle tongue, and Smallear, who sat nearby, nodded at her, his eyes glowing.

Goldenflower bowed her head, padding through the crowd of cats gathered at the base of the Highrock, her chin raised with pride. She felt a tail rest on her shoulder as she neared the back of the crowd, turning to see Tigerclaw near her, his eyes bright.

"Goldenflower," he meowed gruffly, the slightest hint of a purr rumbling through his rough voice. Goldenflower curled her tail against her flank, feeling her heart rise into her throat. She gulped, thankful for the silent guard task she had to carry out after her ceremony. "Beautiful... just like you."

**xxx**

Goldenflower lay sprawled in her nest, her heaving flanks slowly rising and falling as her breathing returned to normal. She lifted her head, her yellow eyes warm as she spotted the two dark shapes curled at the paws of Cinderpelt and Frostfur, who were rasping their tongue gently over the kits pelts, warming them up. Cinderpelt broke away from licking the tortoiseshell, gently nosing the kit toward her mother. The kit squirmed, her high-pitched voice piercing Goldenflower's heart. Goldenflower moved a leg, nudging the kit against the curve of her belly, covering it in fierce licks. Frostfur nudged the striped kit forward, watching with warm eyes as Goldenflower stared down at him, her eyes glowing. "He is the spitting image of Tigerclaw." She wrapped her tail around his tiny body, pulling him close to her. "Where is he?"

"Patrol."

Goldenflower sighed, resting her chin on her paws. "I thought so.." she murmured wearily.

**xxx**

Goldenflower could swear, the sound of her heart shattering was so loud that every cat could hear it throughout the silent camp. She stared at him, eyes as wide as moons. "Tigerclaw?" she whispered, feeling her legs tremble beneath her. She felt a tail drape over her shoulders, probably Frostfur's. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the large tom in the center of camp, every pair of eyes in the Clan glaring at him. He stood with his shoulders squared, his chin raised as he stared into Bluestar's eyes, challenge in the amber depths. The same eyes Goldenflower had fallen in love with.

Goldenflower screwed her eyes shut, burying her face into Frostfur's comforting shoulder, unable to look at the scene any longer.

**xxx**

"I'm the worst mother in the world, Frostfur!" Goldenflower buried her face into her paws, her flanks heaving with sobs. "I can't even look my own kit in the face anymore!"

"You're a wonderful mother, Goldenflower," the white queen soothed, brushing her tail over the distraught queen's flank. "And it's not your fault Bramblekit looks so much like that traitor."

Traitor.

The level Tigerclaw had been reduced to in his thirst to power. The thought of the tabby-striped tom brought fresh sorrow to Goldenflower's heart, and she was wracked with another sob. She could hear Frostfur exhale wearily, settling beside her and pressing into her side. "There, there," Frostfur soothed, sounding not at all too soothing. Goldenflower twitched, her ears setting back as the familiar voices of her sweet little kits echoed in the nursery, ringing in her ears.

"Hello, Goldenflower!"

Goldenflower lifted her head, giving the kits a weak smile. "Hello, Bramblekit," Goldenflower watched her daughter slip into the nest, curling against her mother and closing her eyes. Goldenflower watched Bramblekit, the tom who was cursed with his father's image, give an enormous yawn, stumbling into the next and slipping up to Goldenflower's side, looking just like his handsome father with the way he slept on his flank, his tail twitching subconsciously in his slumber.

Goldenflower gave another sob.

**xxx**

"I've thought about him everyday since his death. I've thought about how he was before it all happened. Before he was evil. Or maybe he always was evil and I was just too blind to see it. I was blind to see he really didn't love me. He just wanted me for the thing all toms want. Or maybe he did love me. And I was blind to see that too."

Goldenflower rasped her tongue over her star-frosted fur, the white queen beside her pressing into her flank in an old habit of comfort. Goldenflower sighed, her eyes glowing as she watched her son escalate in the ranks of ThunderClan. His destiny was that of a noble and legendary leader, just as Firestar was before him.

"But in my heart, I never wanted it to end like this."


End file.
